Mixed Emotions

Anger - a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong.
A pretty strong emotion that if not kept in check causes all sorts of messed up thoughts.  At the moment this is my biggest hurdle in getting through a day.  It aims to detract from my faith journey and undermine the very basic day to day activities and interactions.

Anger I get.  Yes I am angry this has happened to Karen and our family.  Who wouldn't be.  The roll on or ripple effect of so many different scenarios and outcomes is huge for now and years to come.  I am not looking for the reason why.  The age old question that if God is a God of love then why does he allow bad things to happen to people?  I am not looking for an answer here.  I am confident that God has it all in control and that is not for me to worry about.  If he feels I need an answer, I am sure all will be revealed when I am with him.  However that doesn't mean I am not angry at God.  At the moment it is a battle to spend time with him, to come into his house, to read his word and sing his praises.  This doesn't mean I love him any less or I have lost my faith.  More a case that I just need to have some space and time before I allow him back.  In the simplest form, it is a bit like having a fight with a family member.  They may do and say some things that you disagree with and make you angry.  Your reaction might be one of just needing some space and time, to let the dust settle.  You don't  love them any less, but right at that moment you don't want to be with them.  I can say things are improving on this score.  After a couple of weeks hiatus at church I have been back with a better heart attitude.

As for people.....EGR.....Extra Grace Required.  Some people seem void of that social compass and continue to talk about things that are upsetting.  (If I hear one more cancer story I think I will scream).  To be blunt, I just don't care at the moment.  We are living our own little nightmare story real time.  When we say, " we don't feel like talking about it and can we change the subject", we mean it!   That means you, not somebody else, it does not give you licence to keep on until we are visibly upset.  If we want to talk about it and feel we can, then we will, but please don't think us rude if we shut it down either.  Are you beginning to sense today was not a good day for us?  Praying for more self control and patience tomorrow.