Busy Getting On With Living - Some Final Thoughts

Christmas day 2012.  At the start of this blog it seemed so far away, but here I am, sitting here on Christmas night, feeling slightly uncomfortable having eaten and drunk just a little too much, but still falling to the temptation of jamming a Favourite's Flake in my mouth with a handful of nuts.  We just got a call from Dr Gowda from India just to check again how Karen is going.  Still blows me away to think just how much he cares even on holidays.  I certainly don't leave work with that level of passion.

I have decided this will be my final blog about our cancer journey.  It really has been a runaway roller coaster which finally came to an end on Monday.  Karen had her last treatment that afternoon.    It was a very emotional day, as we were so glad to be finished with the treatment, but by the very nature of going in to the RAH every day for the last 7 weeks, met some wonderful people whom we said goodbye to.  I can not speak highly enough about all of the staff we have encountered.  Right from the front desk to the nurses station, the radiotherapists and oncology doctors.  Their level of care and compassion is second to none.  We are so indebted to you lovely people.  Thank you.

We are now focused on recovery, which will be another long and arduous road I am sure.  We have been told that the side effects will continue and may even worsen over the next 2 to 3 weeks before starting to get better.  I still struggle with the notion that the thing that has caused Karen so much pain is the cure!  We are now only required at the RAH on a weekly basis for  the next 6 weeks or so.  Hopefully the feeding tube will be able to be removed in 2 to 3 weeks.  A CT scan is also scheduled for  the 6 week mark.  So that's our January pretty much taken care of.  I am back to work on the 7th, but will still be a bit all over the place attendance wise as we still try and juggle appointments and kids.  I suspect Karen will still be on morphine for most of January so that kind of dictates what we can do as well.  

So that's the practical side of it all.  On the emotional side of things, I am pretty much done.  Without doubt, last week was probably the hard week of all.  With the constant worry of Karen and what a poor state she was in, trying to avoid her being admitted and then Nate with his surgery and subsequent infection.  I really felt I got to that point where I just couldn't keep doing it any more, but i did.

Closing Thoughts. 
I hope this has worked.  I don't wont to go through this again.  I would not wish this upon anyone.
Cancer is lonely.  As much as we have been helped by so many people on so many fronts, it is a lonely journey.  Even with Karen home it is lonely.  She is not able to speak at the moment, she is constantly tired and the very nature and location of the side effects means I am hesitant to get to close in case I accidentally cause her pain.  I find I am doing a lot more of the kids running around and that is lonely.  It is like a snapshot of what it would be like without Karen and I hate it.  It upsets me that I even think it, but that very thought still lurks in the background.  

Thanks again in no particular order to all the staff involved at the RAH, Cedar College, Telstra, Klemzig Community Church, family and friends.  We could not have made it to this point without the help of so many.  We are still overwhelmed and a little embarrassed by the generosity of you all and the willingness to help.  So what now?  I plan on getting busy with living.  If nothing else, this experience has shown us the frailty of life.  It makes you stop and consider and prioritise what is important in life.
For me it is my family.  It always has been, but perhaps I never really stopped to truly appreciate them daily as I should.  My beautiful wife and my wonderful, funny, quirky three boys  are the loves of my life and are the reason I get up each day to take on what lays ahead.  I look forward to doing this for many years to come.