So just over a month since we were told of the cancer and it is about to get very real. I have finished up work until the first week of December. This in part is because I was just not able to cope with the stresses of work and also what we are dealing with as a family. So I made the decision to finish up a couple of days early so I could concentrate my energies on more mindless tasks around the house. Although mindless, they are tasks that I feel are more helpful than being at work. I think I need to feel that I am helping in some way even if it is just around the house. The other reason is that I want to support Karen as much as possible with going to radiotherapy especially in the first weeks as we come to terms with the treatment and find our routine.
Up until now, at times it just hasn't seemed real. In the last four weeks although we have talked about it and shared lots of tears, a lot of times, I still am thinking, "is this really us, is this really happening". Still waiting to wake from the bad dream. So as the wait has gone on, the tears have dried up and the numbness has set in. Gone is the shock and unbelievable feelings and replaced with the numbness and fear of what is to come. Sometimes I feel like a little part of us has died inside. Maybe it is just in hibernation and come a new season will flourish once again. I think the start on therapy will bring with it the realisation that this is real. This is happening to us. This our next step. One that we willingly take as we want to see this season through and come to a new one.
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